When I started trading this morning, I seemed to pick everything going in just the opposite way from my trade. As much I stared at the charts and rationalized about the trends and the news and all that malarkey, I just couldn't seem to pick 'em.
This I noticed had a very detrimental effect on my self respect, my self esteem and the mood of my new morning. It suddenly hit me that when we trade, we bring a lot of old baggage with us from the past. Traders have psychological issues to overcome in this, as in every other kind of relationship in their lives. This one is a hottie because it involves MONEY...(the other hot topic is SEX, of course). And so for me, I see it as an opportunity to look one more time into myself, and clear out some of that baggage that I so love to lug around from childhood and right through old age.
This stuff is very deceptive...tricky...subtle. Unconscious. Unless you deliberately dredge it up and deal with it.
So what's this crazy woman going on about now? The last thing we need is psychobabble. But when those nasty little trades I circled on today's sheet, those reasonably "large" (compared to how I trade usually) losses gave me a little reminder.
Am I good enough to trade?
Are people making fun of me and my baby trades/baby fund?
Do I even deserve to have money? I don't seem to handle it so well in the real world.
Is my mother turning over in her grave?
That's just a little sampling of what flew through my brain this morning as I tried to hunker down and get very objective about this situation.
Eventually I talked myself up and out of the fugue state I was in...but I thought it was worth mentioning that you trade with your WHOLE self, not just the tiny piece of your brain that likes winning.
As you can see, the day turned out all right. That's because I've been dealing with my sh*t for a very long time and as well as overcoming fear and greed in the market place, I am onto myself and not about to induldge in self pity, self loathing or any other kind of negative thinking that will deter me from my goal of turning $5000 into a respectable trading fund. However long it takes. Let them laugh, let them jeer. We're all in this together, so who laughs last, anyway? I'd say the Big Boys who always win, no matter what happens. All those bankers and investors that went scott free while the rest of us went down the tubes....oh just the thought give me my grit back! Okay, updating my fund herewith: